How Close Are You Really With Yourself And The People You Really Love?

Posted by on December 10, 2011 at 5:02 am

Everyone wishes for things to go the way they have planned or intended. However, reality is usually not like that and things never seem to go the way as we planned or hoped for. In fact, for many people, it actually turns out to be the exact opposite. The harshness of reality can be hard to accept but are we going to allow ourselves to lose ourselves and sink into depression just because things do not work out the way we want them to?

There are times that I think, if things were smooth sailing, people would almost surely take it for granted and not appreciate the learning process nor grow from the life experiences. It is human nature to want to enjoy the fruits rather than having to go through the agony and pain from the learning process. So when things do not happen the way they prefer, the seed of doubt is cast and they begin to wonder about their self worth. They stumble and wallow in self pity. In extreme cases, they fall into a state of depression. They question, they curse at their misfortune. The resentment and indignance is so intense that it drives them to think that the world owes them big time. They treat everyone who crosses their path, especially those who seem to be doing better than them, badly as they feel that these people owe them a living. However, the irony is that the problem actually lies deep within themselves, in their hearts. They may or may not be aware of the problem. The sad thing is most people would choose to be in a state of self-denial, running away from their situations rather than to face the problems at hand following what their hearts are telling them, which is usually the right thing they should be doing in such circumstances.

I personally have experienced such pain and witnessed some of these people running away from not only themselves, but also from the people they love. Instead of facing the harsh reality, they chose to run as far as they could, seeking some sort of escape. They thought they could outwit their circumstances instead of facing the pain from the bare truth. They travel very frequently, in an attempt to physically distance themselves from the pain. They numb themselves by getting drunk, they indulge in endless sex with many partners, some even go to the extreme of getting addicted to drugs. They fall prey to anything that promises temporal relief from the pain they are going through, even if they know it is immoral, unethical and that dire consequences will surely follow. In the end, reality eventually caught up with them and they suffer the backlash of their foolish behaviour. The great irony here is the sufferings they inflict upon themselves in an attempt to escape. Instead of emerging victorious, they are in greater despair than ever. The feeling of being lost, unworthy, a sense of defeat comes back to haunt them once again. Only more intense this time round. Yet the greatest loss is when people who used to love them have chosen to walk away from their lives for good and move on without them. It’s very sad to witness these people who were once happy and jovial, become emotionally scarred, as they suffer the impact of the consequences caused by irresponsible behaviour of people who they once loved. Yes adverse consequences definitely have a spilling over effect, in more ways than one.

Now some of you may challenge the perspective that a person with the right mentality and a positive attitude can still go far in life without having the need to feel. Yes, definitely with these couple of attributes that person can go far in life. However, without the heart to pursue and persevere, to tell them what’s right and what’s wrong; most people end up failing miserably and repeatedly. They end up doing everything and anything, both ethical and unethical, moral and immoral in the pursue of their “dreams and goals”. They choose to focus on the “idealised image” they have painted for themselves and will not allow anything or anyone to stand in their path. That’s exactly where many people including the ones who truly love them will get hurt in the emotional bloodbath when they come in contact with him or her. In this never ending vicious cycle, we end up chasing our own tails and coming up with all sorts of excuses to save our pride from the pain that failure in our hearts have brought. We hardened our hearts and our conscience against ourselves, our loved ones, and most importantly God who gave us a heart to feel in the first place.

God is just and fair with his blessings for His people. Everyone of us is gifted in a certain way. In the above case, it takes a certain type of person gifted with a tremendous amount of patience and perseverance to support that strong mindset when he or she chose to harden their hearts. You can be sure that person would go through a lot of tough life experiences in order to be moulded into an infallible spiritual tower, which was what was probably the initial intention of God. But with recklessness and carelessness, it would be so easy for that person to lose him or herself to the world and be trapped in the bottomless pit of despair and desperation.

Having said that, although we can strive to work on our mentality and attitude to look at things from the brighter side, what’s more important is that we can actually work on our hearts to do what is right without having to suffer regrets later on. This would also mean embracing failures we encounter in our learning journey in order to pursue and persevere on.

Make a date with yourself and reflect on these questions:

1) How badly do you want to achieve the things you have planned for yourself even if it means you have to endure and tolerate the pain during the learning process?

2) Can you persevere through the journey without running away?

3) Would you opt to continue running away from reality if it meant hurting the ones who care and love you deeply?

Always remember, every action carries a consequence. Whatever path you choose to take, you would eventually have to deal with the direct or indirect consequences. Learn to feel with your heart instead of only thinking or over rationalising. This may not seem logical but your heart will definitely show you the right way. Patience is key as well. It is also a wise choice to make in the face of pain that comes with truth. People who genuinely care for you will tell you that the truth is definitely better than being deceived by the lies you tell them and yourself in desperation to escape from reality. That includes white lies as well. Whether you believe it or not, like it or not, the truth always surface with time when we least expect it. There is no escape at all.

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